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Women in research studies reported that a man's looks (i.e. his handsome characteristics) are low on their list of desired traits. There are many other male characteristics more important to women. The most desired male characteristics relate to a woman's safety and survival. Every woman wants someone who will make a safe and good life for her and her children.
Many women today can take care of themselves and can afford to be very picky in selecting a male mate. In most Western countries today the men must work hard at courting a woman to be considered seriously as a possible mate. Here are the things women consider most important in men:
(Below results are from a long-term, cross-cultural, international study of women's desires in men for a mate.)
Even after the childbearing years are over, men and women don't change their preferences much for a mate. Usually for men at any age, their preferences are for a woman who is young, good looking, and sexy. That is what worked in ancient times for men to make the most healthy offspring.
It seems that the software that drives the internal unconscious mental "computer" for mate selection does not come with software upgrades for after the reproductive years!
There have been some gains made by women in the past decades that are showing up today on the dating scene. With women's newly gained freedoms in some countries, coupled with economic gains, many women need not depend on men for survival. Some modern women have become independent and have changed the rules for finding a mate. Some women are even going it alone or with another woman. Men dealing with these women have to operate in a whole new way!
Approximately 10,000 years ago humans started living in communities of mixed families. Men were in control from the top ruler down to the family unit. Women have been always subservient to the men, except in extremely rare cases. Men liked it this way and have resisted and fought hard to not change the male-dominated systems.
Men have evolved some tactics they think work well with most women. For both men and women there are a lot of hidden true feelings and needs that go unmet. Often both are so involved with playing the game that it is stressful and unsatisfying, and they merely coexist together for convenience.(Jump to top next paragraph . . .)
In the recent decade single women and men found out being a Friend, Fan, or Follower on Social Media could lead to real relationships. And it was so much easier and more efficient than chasing around looking for love! Presently in America the most common way couples are meeting is through online free or commercial services.
The tactics for using the available technologies, which are constantly changing, are new and lots can go wrong with how they are used. Fortunately, there are so many people with access to each other that the false starts and embarrassing encounters can be discarded with a click of the mouse. Almost immediately one can start browsing endlessly for the next encounter. Maybe she or he will be the real soul mate!
One of the lessons learned by many so far in using the social faceless media is that much information is missing from the other person. Messages are fine for exchanging facts. Video links help a little but much of the information visible is just acting scenes in front of the camera. In real face-to-face dating each person reads the other's body language and instantaneous facial expressions to gather more true information than their words convey. This important information is mostly missing from online communications techniques.
On the other hand, the opposite is possible when too much information is sent on purpose, such as sexually explicit messages, images, and videos. The impersonal nature of social media can encourage behavior that is unacceptable when face-to-face with other alive persons who might retaliate with words or physical body harm.
In theory, the bigger the data base the better chance one has finding a perfect match. Sounds good. Pay your fee and let the computer find the closest match to all the information you typed into the questionnaire. What can go wrong? Plenty! How honest were you in answering the questions about your interests, likes, and dislikes? How honest was the other person? Where there the right requests for really useful personal information?
Perhaps the many failures and disappointments in computerized match-making is the reason for the many different options being explored for mate selection. Modern women and men no longer need to get married in order to leave their parents home, as it was for previous generations. Today many people have the economic freedom to experiment just about anyway they want in their quest finding the right mate. For some, the search may last their entire life.
For more valuable research findings on this 'male-female game' visit our other web site: http://LearnBodyLanguage.org
© Copyright 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding
All rights reserved worldwide.