What Is The Cost Of A Relationship?
After the "love" wears thin, continuing the relationship is based on the "Bottom Line": Costs versus Rewards.
- If the costs-versus-rewards ratio is unfair, the relationship should end so that resentment doesn't cause stress, disease, and maybe even an early death.
Men are unconsciously attracted to women with these characteristics:
- She has healthy skin, hair, teeth, and eyes. These are appealing to men because they imply the woman can produce healthy children.
- She has a waist and hip ratio with the waist approximately 70% the width of the hips. Researchers found that men in nearly all cultures admired this female shape because it indicates high fertility.
- She has a symmetrical face and body. This is considered "good looking" and is desirable when seeking a mate because it indicates good health and low chromosome damage.
- She is youthful looking. This implies low chromosome damage for healthiest children. The older the woman, the more chance for birth defects.
- She is "flashy and classy". For an older guy, this is a "trophy" woman so the guy can demonstrate to all the other guys that he is a "great hunter" and Alpha male-- or so his ego hopes.
- She is small and delicate. She makes him look bigger and stronger. Makes him feel that way too, and he likes that so he can play "alpha dog".
Women are unconsciously attracted to men who exhibit these characteristics:
- He is strong, healthy, and agile. In women's DNA is a need for protection and help during pregnancy and child rearing for many years. A man can provide protection if he sticks around.
- He sees his mate as valuable. It's more likely that he will protect and support her if he sees her as "valuable". "Value" to men comes in many forms and often is different than how a woman values her male mate.
- He acquires and controls abundant resources. Again, women's primary unconscious drive is to raise children, and they historically needed a men to help make a safe home.
- He is tall. Six feet (1.83 m) is most frequent height desired, as indicated on surveys. A tall mate probably would provide good protection for a family. So women wanting to raise offspring look for a strong and tall man.
Interestingly, women's desire for a "good looking" man is quite low on the list of desired traits on surveys. Men and women both say physical appearance is important, but for different reasons!
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Future Mates Look for Similarities in Each Other
Here are some of the most frequently listed similar areas of interest desired in partners.
- Similar interests and goals. Sharing time together involved in a mutually interesting project is one of the better aspects of a long term relationship. However, periodically doing different things with people other than the partner is also important to prevent "burn out" in a relationship. Don't expect your partner to satisfy all your needs.
- Similar passion appetites. Unfortunately, this mating drive in men and women has evolved differently. Most men's interest in sex remains strong from puberty up to senility. Not so with women!
If "good lovemaking" is judged by how long it takes, here are some research findings gathered for over a decade by Penn State University researchers on how long some people take to complete their play:
- 1 to 2 minutes: Too short time for enjoyment by most women. Many men are OK with this short time.
- 3 to 7 minutes: Adequate for many men and some women. Three out of four women fake their orgasm.
- 7 to 13 minutes: Most desirable length of time for both men and women.
- 13 to 30 minutes was too long for many people but some enjoyed the marathon sessions lasting an hour or more.
Average number of times a week: 3
Median length of time in act: 7.3 minutes
ADVICE: Find out what your partner likes and stay within his/her comfort and enjoyment limits. That requires some discussion and negotiation to clarify expectations. If you don't get these details clarified early, the relationship is likely to end abruptly, and you won't even know why.
A Loving Relationship is Priceless for Good Health
The correlation is high between happy satisfying relationships and good health. It is well worth working hard to create and continue the best relationship possible to ensure a long and healthy life. The research on this is very compelling and worth remembering what is really important!
Here is the bottom line:
After two people have been in a relationship for a time, the cost/reward ratio must be fair and equal for a continuing satisfying relationship.
Are the costs in time, energy, and commitment worth the rewards in the relationship? Both partners must put much of themselves and their resources into a relationship. That is the "cost" of the relationship. The "rewards" are all the things that make the relationship enjoyable and satisfying. If the ratio between the costs and rewards are not equal for both partners, one partner is going to feel ripped-off and feel used. It is going to be an unequal and unfair relationship. Continuation of the relationship will not be satisfying and will not be a wise investment for the one on the short end.
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