What Latest Research Reveals About Relationships:

What Is The Cost Of A Relationship?

  • After the "love" wears thin, continuing the relationship is based on the "Bottom Line": Costs versus Rewards.
  • If the costs-versus-rewards ratio is unfair, the relationship should end so that resentment doesn't cause stress, disease, and maybe even an early death.

Men are unconsciously attracted to women with these characteristics:

Women are unconsciously attracted to men who exhibit these characteristics:

Interestingly, women's desire for a "good looking" man is quite low on the list of desired traits on surveys. Men and women both say physical appearance is important, but for different reasons!

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Future Mates Look for Similarities in Each Other

Here are some of the most frequently listed similar areas of interest desired in partners.

Male and female passion drive.

If "good lovemaking" is judged by how long it takes, here are some research findings gathered for over a decade by Penn State University researchers on how long some people take to complete their play:

Average number of times a week: 3

Median length of time in act: 7.3 minutes

ADVICE: Find out what your partner likes and stay within his/her comfort and enjoyment limits. That requires some discussion and negotiation to clarify expectations. If you don't get these details clarified early, the relationship is likely to end abruptly, and you won't even know why.

Here is the bottom line:

After two people have been in a relationship for a time, the cost/reward ratio must be fair and equal for a continuing satisfying relationship.

Are the costs in time, energy, and commitment worth the rewards in the relationship? Both partners must put much of themselves and their resources into a relationship. That is the "cost" of the relationship. The "rewards" are all the things that make the relationship enjoyable and satisfying. If the ratio between the costs and rewards are not equal for both partners, one partner is going to feel ripped-off and feel used. It is going to be an unequal and unfair relationship. Continuation of the relationship will not be satisfying and will not be a wise investment for the one on the short end.

© Copyright 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding
All rights reserved worldwide.