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The daily activity for many of women's ancestors was to tend the children and gather berries, nuts, seeds, roots or whatever they could find to feed the family. For safety and protection, the women usually worked in groups of women. These daily group activities resulted in women developing important skills that women still have today:
For women, relationship-building with other women is a part of every activity. Women build relationships by talking freely about their daily trivia and troubles. "I'll tell you about my day and troubles, and I will listen to yours so that we can be close." This sharing process reassures women that they have a good relationship, are protected, safe, and will survive. This relationship building habit is still very strong in women's genes today!
Men don't have this same need for relationship building so they can survive!
The major drive in our male ancestors, as well as today's men, is "status building": Trying to show their superiority over other men. Most men are always working hard to prove themselves as the "greatest hunter" with the highest status in their group. They think being the "top dog" will get them the privileges that come with high status.
This need for superiority in today's men often shows up as being a "workaholic". An underlying cause of a workaholic's drive is the need to have high status and thus reap the rewards at the top. In our modern culture this strategy of "work hard and reap the rewards" often works to some degree.
This ancient need for high status in men is still operating in the deep old brain of today's men. Starting at puberty, it often drives human males to take risks, compete in all varieties of activities and brag (or lie) about their imagined high status.
Fortunately, the newer outer layers of the male brain are adapted to learning new ways of behaving for status-seeking. This learning comes with experience as one matures.
Unfortunately, teen boys may not show much restraint in status-seeking. There are millions of online videos showing male teens doing incredibly stupid stunts on bikes, skateboards, or whatever trying to prove they are better than their peers. Teen girls seldom do the kind of status-seeking that many teen males exhibit.
When a man hears a woman talking about her problems (to do relationship-building), he thinks she is just complaining or is requesting help! So instinctually, the man responds with solutions to the woman's problems -- because that is a man's job: to fix things! But this just frustrates the woman because she feels he is trying to diminish her problem or cut her off.
Relationship and Love Advice for Women:
Recognize how most women build friendly relationships with other women by sharing personal problems and trivia. This habit is a naturally inherited survival tactic from millions of female ancestors. And recognize that most men don't understand this is how women build relationships!
Try to understand that your problems and daily trivia are not important to most men. Men are more interested it their own status in the world in order to get what they want. (And you should know what most men want!)
At men's deepest DNA level, that means their perceived high status is what is most important for survival, sex, food, and sleep. Girls, stop thinking that men are interested in your daily trivia!
Relationship and Love Advice for Men:
Guys, recognize that you probably infuriate most women trying to build a relationship with you in the way they do it with their women friends. When she tells you about her problems, that is just private information that she is willing to share with you. It is her way of getting close. Shut-up and just listen. Don't try to "fix" her problems unless she asks for your help!
© Copyright 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding
All rights reserved worldwide.