Wow! Read this below!
About 50,000 years ago our ancestors migrated out of Africa where they originated. The new environments everywhere they settled had new dangers and challenges for survival. The groups and families with the strongest and most intelligent leader learned new ways and survived best in their new homes.
Men are very different than women in the way they relate. Researchers noted that boys beginning at an early age exhibit more closed body language when talking to other boys. They sit or stand parallel to the other boys and talk about doing things together but seldom reveal any personal problems.
Boys' talk is used to preserve independence and status but not negotiate closeness or friendship as girls do. Boys are friends with other boys who they do things with. Just sitting and talking is not essential for an ongoing friendship between boys or men like it is for girls and women.
The closest relationship between males is normally achieved in a group where no one wants to be the leader. In such cases, all members treat each other equally and fairly. Group decisions may often go wrong because no member wants to be the one to exercise any leadership to take command and change the group's bad decisions.
When you watch two or more men together, it is easy to identify who the highest ranking one is by agreement of everyone. As long as no one challenges his position the group will be harmonious, and the goals of the group will be achieved most likely. This system of male ranking may be clearly evident as in the military where rank symbols are worn, or in an organization with an organization chart.
In social groups, the rank of each member is not displayed but it still exists with most men. When everyone knows their place in the social group and behaves appropriately, there is harmony and the purpose of the group is achieved. The evidence of harmony in men's groups is most evident in the way conversation is used to negotiate equal status. Any expansion of status within the group is noted by all members and will be dealt with accordingly, much like a vote can shift power -- or not.
The highest ranking man's body language and behavior toward the others are always evident to everyone there. In one study of boys interacting, the high-status boys gave orders to other lower status boys. They did not particularly need the thing done; they just wanted to maintain their dominance.
Below are some body language signals and behaviors that are displayed when dealing with the recognized leader in a group:
It is evident that women do not converse among themselves the same way men do in all male groups. Women use conversation for a very different reason and in a way very different than men.
Females begin as young girls who use talking to create a circle of loyal and trusted friends over the long run. When they talk, they face each other with open body language without hiding or closed postures. The conversation is seldom dominated by one girl and follows the interests of all the members present.
Often the discussion reveals one person has a problem and the remainder of the group sympathetically jump to her support. The others in the group eagerly take an interest in the problem as if it were the whole group's problem. This pattern of communication persists into women's adulthood throughout the childbearing years and later because it has always been a powerful aid to women's survival in ancient times.
Relationship and Love Advice for Women:
Recognize most men are constantly ready to do anything acceptable to raise their status compared to other men. That need for high status is in men's DNA but not in women's. That need in men is inherited at the deepest instinctual level and can activate men's fight or flight autonomic nervous system. It can bring out the worst in some men.
Relationship and Love Advice for Men:
Guys, try to recognize that most men have a deep instinctual feeling of competition and combativeness toward all other men. It is inherited in men's DNA and is natural. It comes from men's ancestors' competition for breeding rights over the past millions of years.
An important lesson most men learn in their sociability training today is to hide that feeling of hostility toward other men. Some men hide it better than others, but it is always there in each man to some degree. It is strongest during the years men are fertile, but often extends until men have become physically incapacitated. Some habits are hard to break!
© Copyright 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding
All rights reserved worldwide.