Men want PHYSICAL intimacy.
So women and men are different? Duh!
Most men in modern Western cultures find a good mate by the process often called "dating" and "courting". This mate-finding process is not easy and involves a lot of experimenting and sometimes is filled with embarrassing mistakes. Wise men and women who study the rules of the dating and courting game have the best chances of getting their desired mate.
The mate-seeking process varies by culture and religion, and there are traditional rules for this mating game that often are not written down. In just the last decade new tools for finding a mate have been made far more efficient by using technology. Smartphone mate-finding "Apps" using satellite powered GPS for location identification were undreamed of by our parents.
Some of the latest technological developments are in wearable computerized body monitoring systems. Perhaps some smart geeks will soon have "apps" that evaluate another person's body parameters to see if he or she is ready for sex, fertile, and one wonders what else!
Frequent dating by the man lets her know that he is interested in her as a possible mate. That makes the task of finding a mate by dating and courting a slow experimental process in the traditional way.
In most Western cultures, the courting man's general pattern is to request frequent dates with his chosen woman. Courting is done in ways that demonstrate a man's best characteristics so the woman will accept him closer emotionally and physically over time. It is usually her option to let him into her life more -- or not.
Different cultures have established both written and unwritten rules for how close and intimate couples can get during the courting period. These rules create many problems in our modern cultures where cross-cultural boundaries are crossed.
Both parties take their chances and may have to search for a long time going through "trial and error" dates. (Some guys become hermits or devote their efforts to a career or sport rather than face the overwhelming challenges in dating and courting!)
Women are unconsciously watching for signs of how good of a protector and provider the man is. Most women want to know if the man will make a good providing mate and will stick around to take care of her and the offspring after the initial fun is over. (This is women's DNA at work!)
Most women need reassurance that the man really likes and values her. A woman may fear that he is going to use her just for his own pleasure then abandon her. Lots of that happening!
GUYS: She is looking for you to demonstrate being stimulating, attentive, protecting and caring for all matters important to her. She wants to see how much you value her. Lots of luck meeting her expectations!
He listens to her and understands her needs and desires. This indicates there is a good relationship established. To women, a good relationship means safety, security and survival, which is the primary need programmed in women's ancient DNA by millions of ancestors.
He values her and is dedicated to protecting her and her offspring. This implies a good chance for survival of her and her children. (Her DNA says this is a top priority in a mate.)
He has the resources and capacity to provide a safe and good life for her and her offspring. (She is looking for the best deal she can get for a future good life for her and her children.)
Notice that these characteristics are coming mostly from the DNA of women's prehistoric ancestors who lived in a very dangerous environment. Today's women and men may talk about "love", but only in the past few hundred years have the concepts of "love" and "fidelity" become part of the process of mating.
As a species, we are not very advanced in these "love" and "fidelity" concepts based on our record of successful, lasting marriages.
Thanks to the countless sources online, smart women can check the background, interests, and personal history of most men they encounter. And men can do the same for women they encounter! Too early to tell what this has done to the mating game and where it will all end.
© Copyright 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding
All rights reserved worldwide.