Most Men Don't Do This Right!

How to Play the Pickup Game

  • The procedure for a man approaching a woman stranger is based largely on the behavior of our ancestors over the past millions of years.
  • The risks for both males and females back then were high: Either they got what was desired or were rejected and possibly hurt or killed.
  • The approach and acceptance procedure done correctly today still uses much of the subtle body language that worked successfully for our ancestors.

Discover the secrets below!

How Women and Men Play the Pickup Game

In most Western cultures, it is an acceptable aggressive behavior for a man to approach a strange woman with an "opening line" and a request to talk to her. There are subtle eye cues used by both men and women to facilitate this ritual. There are many other subtle rituals used in forming a connection between two people. It is valuable for both men and women to learn these rituals commonly used in their culture.

Outlined below is one ritual widely used in Western nations in the 20th Century. However, since the Internet evolved, other less personal techniques are becoming acceptable.

Step 1. First, Watch for the Correct Eye Contact!

[NOTE TO MEN: Do this only in a place where it is appropriate to pick up a woman.]

Casually look at each woman's face. Watch each woman's eyes to see how she returns your eye contact. You should not break eye contact before she does. Don't worry, women like to be looked at when they are looking for a man.

Your goal is to look at her politely and interestingly and wait to see how SHE breaks eye contact with you. How she breaks eye contact with you is a very important signal to study carefully! She will break eye contact with you in one of two ways: quickly and look left or right, or delayed and look down.

What you guys are looking for is a delayed eye contact from a woman, lasting slightly longer than usual. You will soon learn the difference in timing between the women who disconnect instantly and those who hold eye contact longer than normally. Research has measured this timing difference in milliseconds (thousandths of a second) but men's brains can detect this difference because it is highly developed DNA programming.

NOTE TO WOMEN: Most women don't need any training on the timing of this eye contact. They will unconsciously do it automatically. If the guy is unappealing, the woman will instantly look away to avoid him thinking she is interested in him. If the guy she sees looks interesting to her, she will automatically gaze longer at him. It is in her genes to do her mate hunting this way!

Here are the rules for this "eye contact mating signal":

Remember: Her slightly longer eye contact, plus her looking DOWN while he looks at her, means she will accept him approaching her. She will be waiting for him to approach her. This signal is in  her DNA from all ancestors who mated successfully using it.

Women who do not want a man's advances, and who do not want him to approach her, will quickly break eye contact and look to their LEFT or RIGHT. Quickly looking left or right means they are not interested and definitely are not going to be passive if approached.

They often also turn their upper body away. At their deep unconscious level, they are hiding their breasts from view and saying, "You can't see that I am a woman. Do not approach me." Any clueless guy approaching a woman sending these negative body language cues is setting himself up for a harsh and painful rejection!

Remember guys: Stay away from the women who break eye contact with you by quickly looking away to their left or right!

Also, be realistic in your expectations. If you do not find any "down-lookers", there may not be any woman there who wants or needs a man for either a short-term or a future relationship. Also, it may be possible that you look like a dangerous or unsatisfactory future mate not meeting her needs. ("If there are no fish in this pond, go somewhere else to fish!")

Step 2. If you receive her "looking down" signal, the next step is to approach her.

Your confident approach to talk to her will show her that you are a self-confident and aggressive "Alpha Male". She likes that and she is waiting for you. Don't delay, as that signals insecurity and not a true Alpha Male.

As you walk toward her, she will be observing your body language and forming an opinion about you in only seconds! Most women watch the body language and face of every man approaching them to determine if a man is dangerous. This ability to read men is in women's DNA and is a valuable instinct for survival. This habit comes from women's ancestors and over a million years of experience around men!

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If you approach her with a smile and self-confident relaxed walk, it is the body language signal that reassures her that you are not dangerous. Women and many animals can read body language very well even from a distance, so the way you approach her is important.

The trick is to minimize the movement of every body part not necessary for walking. Excess movements of the head, arms, or pelvis and butt reveals nervousness. Also stand as tall and straight as possible. Slouching indicates trying to hide and a need for protection. If you approach her with your walk perfected, her hormones will kick in by the time you get to her because it is part of her DNA programming!

Step 3. You Should Start the Conversation With an "Opening Line"

When you get close to her, stop, stand still and erect, greet her, say your name, and ask some simple question like this: "Hello! My name is (real name). May I join you?" An elaborate or tricky "opening line" just reveals insecurity or stupidity, and it is an immediate turn-off for most women.

Just stating your name and a request to join her are sufficient. Your simple request is honest and makes it easy for her to respond in a positive way. She knows why you approached her! She told you with her eye signals that you could approach her and that she would not resist you. She has been waiting for you and is very pleased that you selected her from among all the other women there!

Also, try to keep your chest out and breathe relaxed. (That is hard to do -- and to keep your gut sucked in at the same time!) This will help your voice to be low. A high voice indicates nervousness and fear. A low voice indicates lots of testosterone, and that will unconsciously trigger off nice tingles in her as her hormones start surging.

Step 4. Now Both of You Do "Data Gathering"

The purpose of data gathering is to determine if there are enough common interests for the two of you to spend more time together and maybe become mates. During this data gathering step, the two of you may move physically and emotionally closer. How this progresses is best left for the woman to establish.

In a short time she will provide you with the body language signals you need to understand how close you may get both emotionally and physically. You should watch for these positive signals described below!

If you don't push into her personal space, and she accepts you and wants you to get closer both physically and emotionally, she will let you know by a powerful body language cue. Here is how this "you-may-get-closer" cue works. Watch for it!

Step 5. Guys, If She Likes You, She Will Touch You

When she wants you to come physically and emotionally closer to her, she will TOUCH YOU. It will appear to happen very casually or even accidentally. Her touch will usually be on your arm or back as these are the least erotic places on the body. It will be a pat or soft momentary touch for only a few seconds and then she will pull back and carry on the conversation as if nothing is different. However, something BIG is happening!

She is now waiting for you to touch her back EXACTLY LIKE SHE TOUCHED YOU. Same pressure. Same length of time. Same casual way. And you should do that return touch in the next minute or two after her touch. If you wait too long, it says to her that you are either afraid to get closer, don't like her, or that you are too dense to read her body language cues.

If you do your part correctly by "casually" returning her touch with the same type of touch, that sends her a very powerful signal that you are willing to meet her on her terms. She is looking for a guy who is not going to control her and run all over her, and your return touch will tell her what type of guy you are.

Some guys wrongly take her touch signal as meaning that her doors are wide open now, and they can climb all over her body with their hands. That is a very wrong and stupid thing to do because she will instantly close her personal space forever to the guy for being unpredictable, overpowering, unsafe, and stupid.

After the first equal touches are exchanged, watch for more of her touching signals and return them similarly. When she feels safe with you, she will be all over you and let you discover all her nice places where she really likes to be touched!

© Copyright 2015 by Lawrence Rodrigues, M.S., Director: EastWest Institute for Self-Understanding
All rights reserved worldwide.